Welcome to the Shopping Channel

 

Alexander is ninety-seven, and in a care home where the residents sit dozing while watching the shopping channel on TV.

 

He has dementia, is incontinent, deaf, and unable to speak. He doesn’t recognise his daughter, who visits him every week.

 

But, when no one is watching, he is Axe, an MI6 agent, who goes off on assignments to assassinate political targets, to support Ukraine in the war against Putin, and to gather secret information in places as far afield as Mexico and North Korea.

 

He is an Olympic gold medallist, a concert pianist, a beatbox champion, and does the stunts that even Tom Cruise can’t manage. Men fear him, women desire him.

Axe is the man.

 

‘Very funny and very thought-provoking. Keep dreaming.’

Ida brown, Europe’s Best Writers.

 

‘So this is what goes on in care homes? Haha, just brilliant writing!’

Jan Phillips, Eastern Board Reviews.

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‘Your country needs a man like Alexander. Just don’t let him near your wife or daughters!’

Dave Bresson, Global Books.

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‘I’m 76. When I grow up I want to be like Axe.’

Eric Robson, Queensland New Reads.